


Adventures in Mishaland

by downrightpiano



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Crack, Jensen is uncomfortable, M/M, Swearing, if you know what i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 14:32:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2625269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downrightpiano/pseuds/downrightpiano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is about to head to bed when Misha appears in his apartment and runs off with his phone. Jensen gives chase, only to find himself in a surreal world that rivals the one he's paid to act out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adventures in Mishaland

Jensen yawned as he flipped another page in the script. He scrubbed a hand through his hair as he read through his lines. He was in the middle of another yawn when his phone buzzed. Picking it up, he read the text and smiled. Danneel always knew when to step in, even if it was long distance. He sent off a quick reply. Jensen placed the phone back down, flipping through the next few pages. After the third yawn, he sighed. Might as well turn in.

Standing up, Jensen stretched. He twisted his back to rid his spine of kinks – and froze. Something white flitted past him and Jensen reflexively flinched back. The white thing- whatever it was, was patting its waistcoat down and muttering to itself. “Oh dear, I’m going to be late! Where is it? Where is it?!”

Jensen frowned, and before he could stop himself, words burst out of his mouth. “ _Misha_? Dude, what are you _wearing_?”

Misha, that is, if Misha was an anthropomorphic white rabbit in a blue waistcoat, looked at him. The man – rabbit – man – screw this, Jensen was getting a headache. Misha stared at him blankly, before his eyes slid down to Jensen’s phone on the coffee table. Misha’s face lit up and with a little “Ah!” he flitted in and snatched the phone.

Jensen gave him an incredulous look. “Dude, that’s my phone!”

Misha checked the time on the phone before winking at him. “No time to spare. Gotta mish along now, or I’ll be late!” With a twitch of his tail – _his tail_ – he sprinted into the hallway.

Jensen followed him into the hallway. “Mish, wait, where are you going with my phone?”

Misha wiggled his fingers at him before opening the apartment door and running out.

Jensen threw his hands into the air, and after an exasperated groan, followed Misha out.

And blinked as he found himself on a forest road.

Jensen looked around at his surroundings and swallowed. “Misha? Mish?” Receiving no answer, Jensen looked down. He raised his eyebrows at the large paw prints. “Well, guess there’s that.” He followed the paw prints.

The forest road was very winding, and often quite rocky or muddy. Jensen grimaced. As he was attempting to navigate a particularly muddy stretch of forest road, two men dressed in tweed walked out of the trees, arguing amongst themselves. Jensen glanced up and frowned. “Sebastian? Richard?”

The two men whipped their heads around and stared at him in shock. Sebastian prodded Richard, who honked in response. “Who is that, Tweedledick?”

Richard’s legs wobbled. “I don’t rightly know, Tweedlebastian.” He leapt forward, startling Jensen. “Perhaps he’s here to play with us.”

Sebastian nodded sagely before honking. “I see. Well then.” He appeared next to Jensen and grabbed his arm. “What game would you like to play, my good man? You seem like someone who would know of a great many games.”

Jensen yanked his arm out of Sebastian’s grip and stepped away from him. “I don’t have time for games, guys. I’m looking for Misha. Have you guys seen him?”

Sebastian and Richard stared at him blankly, before Sebastian gasped. “Ah, the Mishrabbit.” He turned to Richard and whispered loudly. “Tweedledick, this man wants to find the Mishrabbit!”

Richard – Jensen was sure he wasn’t standing so close a few moments ago – shook his head while patting down Jensen’s shirt. “Oh, the Mishrabbit. This man is lost, Tweedlebastian!” He sighed and patted Jensen’s shoulder in consolation. “You seem like a good man, so I’ll tell you this.” He grabbed Jensen’s collar and pulled him down until Jensen was at eye level. “Someone’s always looking for the Mishrabbit, if you catch my drift.” And he winked.

Jensen reared back. “You guys are insane!”

Sebastian clapped before pinching Jensen’s cheek. “Congratulations, you just won the game.”

Jensen shoved the offending appendage away. “The fuck are you guys on? There’s no game. We’re not playing any games right now. I just want to find Misha so I can go home.”

Richard stood on his toes so he could pat Jensen on the head. Jensen smacked his hand and promptly stepped away from him. That is, he tried, but both Richard and Sebastian pressed in on either side.

Richard chuckled. “I like this man, Tweedlebastian.” He stared hard at Jensen before grinning. “Take care of my little bro.” With that, he snapped his fingers.

And Jensen found himself standing at the front door of a wooden house.

Turning the doorknob, Jensen cautiously looked in. A hallway greeted him. Stepping inside, Jensen gently closed the door. He turned back around and jerked as Misha stared at him, barely a hair’s breadth away. Misha leaned back and scratched at a long white ear. Jensen watched as the other ear flicked.

“Well!” Misha wiggled his nose. “You’ve finally decided to show up. Just in time.” He hurried off, before rounding back and dragging Jensen with him. “You must help me find my gloves. I seemed to have misplaced them. Do be quick though. I don’t want to be late.” With that, he ran up the stairs and disappeared.

Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to ten. And then counted to ten again. Picking a room at random, Jensen went in. The room was strewn with marshmallows of differing size and colour. A large framed sign hung on the wall. It said “Popcorn.”

The next room Jensen went into was filled with blackberries. This room too, had a large sign. The sign said “Eight Inches.”

The third room Jensen went into contained cans of tomato sauce. The sign said “So Many.”

Jensen slammed the door shut and stood in the hallway. He took a deep breath in and held it. Blowing all the air out, his eyes caught sight of something on the staircase. On the first step was a pair of gloves. Jensen picked up the gloves. They were a dark green colour, similar to the colour of leafy vegetables. The texture was strangely fibrous, but still soft.

Misha plastered himself to Jensen’s back and snatched the gloves from his hands. “Holy Kale Gloves. Classy.” His whiskers tickled Jensen’s neck.

Jensen turned around to watch Misha pull on the gloves. “Mish, I really need to get back. I got a full day of scenes to do tomorrow and-” He put his arms around Misha’s waist.

Misha grinned. “Sorry, honey, but we’ll have to postpone snuggle time. I really do need to mish. Can’t be late.” With that, he bounded out of the house.

Jensen crushed the urge to kick at the wall. “But I have to get home- fuck this.”

He stalked out of the house.

And into a forest clearing.

“FUCK!” Jensen kicked at a rock.

“Hey man-”

Jensen nearly sprained his neck with how fast he looked up into the branches.

“-looks like you need some help chilling.” A frighteningly large caterpillar stood on a low branch, leaning against the tree trunk.

Jensen shook his head. “Matt?”

The green anthropomorphic caterpillar shrugged. “I mean, man, anyone could see your issues from a hill away. Got dumped? Got someone dumped?”

Jensen opened and closed his mouth. He cleared his throat. “What- How did I get here? I was at Misha’s house-”

The caterpillar winces dramatically. “Ooh, Mishrabbit. I gotta tell you, the fangirls analyzed the hell out of your breakup after it happened in 2011? 2012?” He peered down at Jensen. “What, don’t believe me? Check out Tumblr, man.”

Jensen wiped his forehead. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Matt.”

The caterpillar started undoing his jacket. “Aw, poor you, still in denial. Don’t worry, the Matterpillar knows how to calm you down.” He took off his jacket and tossed it behind him.

Jensen watched the piece of clothing drop to the ground before looking back to the caterpillar. “What are you doing?” Jensen stared in morbid fascination as Matt undid his cravat. That, too, was tossed to the ground.

Matt started unbuttoning his waistcoat. “I,” and the waistcoat is gone, “am,” he started on his shirt, “showing you the power of the hooker.”

Jensen bit his tongue. “You mean the power of the hookah. You’re supposed to be smoking a hookah. Not stripping.” He watched as Matt lost the shirt.

Matt unbuttoned his pants. “That’s what I said. The power of the hooker. Smoking hot. Wanna try?” He wiggled his eyebrows lasciviously. “It’s really good for calming people down.” He undid the zipper and shoved his pants down.

Jensen gazed at the sky for a few moments. When he looked back, Matt was down to his boxers. Jensen quickly held up a hand before Matt could go any further. “That’s fine, I mean, uh, thank you, I’ve calmed down now.” He ignored Matt’s disappointment. “Can you tell me how to find Misha?”

Matt rolled his shoulders. “Can’t help you there. I’m not his keeper.”

Jensen gritted his teeth. He blinked and Matt was wearing all his clothes again. “Come on, anything.”

Matt leaned against the tree trunk and hummed. “Really can’t help you there.” He plucked a leaf and chewed at it. “But I might know someone who can. Say hi to the Russian Cat for me.” He snapped his fingers.

And Jensen found himself on the forest road again.

He groaned, long and loud. Both ways looked identical, and the towering trees did nothing to help. “Is it that hard to find Misha around here?” His words faded into the trees as soon as he shouted them. Jensen let out a frustrated grunt before following the forest road.

And followed it.

And followed it.

Jensen looked at the sky. It was then he noticed that the sun had been in the same spot ever since he left his apartment. Jensen shook his head.

At long last, Jensen came upon another clearing. As he gazed upon the clearing, Jensen felt a headache coming on. This clearing had clotheslines running every which way, strung up on branches. And on each clothesline was an array of orange men’s underwear, in various styles and patterns.

“Privet, tovarishch.”

Jensen spun around and would have fallen over if not for Misha’s firm hold on his arm. “Misha? Oh finally, I was looking for you, man.”

Misha tilted his head and gazed at him with hooded, sleepy eyes. It was at this point that Jensen noticed the large ears and tail that arched over Misha’s head.

Misha hummed slowly. “I’m afraid you have the wrong man, comrade. I am not the Mishrabbit.” His whiskers curved as he smiled, slow and lazy. “I am the Russian Cat, and I must do my laundry. Izvinite.”

Jensen watched as Misha ambled over to an empty clothesline. “I don’t think this is the time for Indiarussia, Misha. I really need to get home.”

Misha waved a hand and bent down to look through his laundry basket. Jensen was very much so distracted by Misha’s tail.

Misha straightened and strode back to Jensen. “Comrade, have you seen my lingerie? I can’t seem to locate it.”

Jensen nearly choked on his saliva. “Your what?!”

Misha’s ears swiveled. “My lingerie.” His eyes widened. “Oh, you rascal. I knew you had it.” And he reached into Jensen’s back pocket and pulled out an orange thong.

Jensen spluttered. “What-”

Misha pressed up against Jensen and smiled. “Don’t you think my behind would look delectable in this?” He stretched the elastic several times. “I’m sure your Mishrabbit’s behind would look delectable in this too.” He leaned into Jensen’s face. “Would you like to know a secret?”

Jensen swallowed audibly. He could see Misha’s teeth, and they were sharp.

Misha whispered against Jensen’s lips. “Sometimes, I think about the Mishrabbit.” He snaked his arms around Jensen’s waist. “Quite a few people seem to mistake me for him. But I don’t think I mish quite like him. I’m sure you know this, but the Mishrabbit mishes quite well.” Misha gazed up at Jensen through his eyelashes. “I think it’s his tail.”

Jensen jerked as something wound around his thigh. It was Misha’s tail. He realized he could see through Misha’s chest. “Misha?”

Misha tilted his head and his grin stretched wide. “Oh yes. Sometimes I lose myself.” Suddenly all Jensen could see was a pair of eyes, teeth, the rest of the body, but no head. “And sometimes, I lose my head.” Then it was just the teeth. “Much more fun than the hooker. After all, that’s where you came from, right?” Misha appeared fully again and buried his nose in Jensen’s neck. “I can smell the Matterpillar on you. Did he offer to show you the power of the hooker?”

Jensen shuddered as two hands slid into his back pockets. “Matt said hi. So can you send me to wherever Misha- you- the other Misha- is now?” His hand accidentally brushed the base of Misha’s tail.

Misha shoved his head under Jensen’s chin and purred. “Such boldness, comrade. Distracting me from my laundry.” He rubbed his head against Jensen’s jaw.

Jensen looked down and could not see Misha’s legs. He looked up at the sky. “Misha,” he rubbed at the base of Misha’s ear, “I really need to find the other you.” Jensen shifted uncomfortably at Misha’s throaty sighs and purrs.

Misha did a full body wriggle against Jensen and sighed. “I don’t know where the Mishrabbit is, comrade. But I do know someone who knows.” He detached himself from Jensen. “I have such a hard time dealing with him, but perhaps he’ll go easy on you.” He pressed two fingers to Jensen’s forehead.

And Jensen found himself sat at a long table.

Sat opposite Jared.

“Thank God! Jared, man, you have to help me. I got a full day shoot tomorrow and I really need to get home.” Jensen rested his elbow on the table and massaged his temple.

“Who is this Jared you speak of?”

Jensen looked up at Jared. “What?”

Jared sniffed. “I am not acquainted with this Jared you speak of. You are speaking to the Moose Hare.” Next to him was a man sleeping in a three piece cheese suit. “This is the Chau Mouse, and that,” he nodded at a point beyond Jensen, “is-”

“And I,” came a throaty rumble at Jensen’s ear, “am the Mad Carpenter.”

Jensen’s leg jerked.

Misha leaned over Jensen and poured him a cup of kefir. “Welcome, good sir, to the mad tea party.” He gestured grandly with the teapot and Jensen grimaced as kefir spilled onto the table.

Jared huffed. “Oh, do quit your gesturing. You’re making a mess.”

Misha stroked the back of Jensen’s neck. “Oh, you know I love making a mess, sweetheart.” He sat down and patted Jensen’s thigh. “Isn’t that right?”

Jared made an affronted noise and pointedly took a sip of his kefir. He smacked the sleeping man’s head with a spoon. “Wake up, Chau Mouse, the tea party has started!”

Osric let out a snore.

At this point, Jensen realized that he had nothing to say.

“Leave the poor mouse alone.” Misha took a swig from his teacup. His hand slid higher up Jensen’s thigh. “Won’t you have a taste? I made sure this batch was fermented at a good and steady temperature.”

Jensen cleared his throat. “Uh.” He watched as Jared took a napkin down from his antlers, dab his lips, then replace it. “If you’re a carpenter, why are you wearing a top hat?” The fuck was he saying.

“Do you want to know why?” Misha tugged at Jensen’s belt loop. “Because when I was commissioned to work wood for the Queen, I performed so well I killed Time himself.”

Jared all but slammed his cup onto its saucer. “If you would be so kind as to keep such distasteful topics from the table.”

Misha sneered. “Stop your pretenses, Moose Hare.” He pressed up against Jensen’s side. “You must think me a murderer, but I’m the best at my trade.” He leaned in to whisper hotly into Jensen’s ear. “Better than the Matterpillar.”

Jensen choked on his kefir.

Misha straightened up and adjusted his top hat. “What brings you here today, sir? Do you have a commission? Furniture you need building? If you would like to browse my portfolio, the Mishrabbit’s house is one of my finest works, if I say so myself.”

Jensen coughed. “No, I’m not here to commission. Anything. Uh. I’m looking for Misha- Mishrabbit. He has something of mine and I need it back.”

Misha pressed into his personal space again. “You are looking for the Mishrabbit! You sly dog. And he has something of yours? Such boldness.”

Jensen rested his hand on Misha’s knee. “I was told that you know where Mishrabbit is? Or how to find him?”

Misha slipped his hands under Jensen’s shirt. “Such drive, such ambition!” He climbed onto Jensen’s lap, knocking into the table. “Did you know that the Mishrabbit couldn’t decide which woods he wanted for his house, so I had to demonstrate the qualities of each?”

Jensen tugged Misha into a more secure position. “I saw him at his house, but he ran out on me. I kind of have a schedule to keep, so you know, I sort of need to find him.” He linked his hands behind Misha’s hips so the man would stop upsetting the table and Jared.

Misha shifted in Jensen’s lap. “I do like myself a good, focused man. They usually make good apprentices. Did you know, it’s actually quite hard to find a good apprentice around here. I’m not sure why. Thus, I am the only carpenter in the area.” He smoothed the wrinkles out of Jensen’s shirt. “I suppose it’s good that I have no competition in the business.”

Jensen raised an eyebrow. “Misha.”

Misha took off his top hat and dropped it onto Jensen’s head. He squinted, tilting his head. “Although there’s always that Matterpillar. A pestilence he is, always close by. We’re not even in the same business!” He adjusted the top hat.

Jensen sighed. “Misha.”

Misha adjusted the hat once more. “I offer you apprenticeship. I will teach you my craft, and we shall do great things together. You too can reap the rewards of this fine profession.” He leered at Jensen before replacing the hat on his own head.

Jared snorted.

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Misha. I’m on a schedule here.”

Misha sighed. “Very well.” He pulled out a pocket watch from his waistcoat pocket. “The Mishrabbit usually comes by at two in the afternoon.”

Jensen nodded. “What time is it now?”

Misha looked down at him and grinned. “Midnight.”

Jared snickered.

Jensen glanced between them. “It’s the middle of the day right now.”

“No, sweetheart,” Misha slowly turned his pocket watch to face Jensen. “It’s midnight.”

Jensen grabbed the pocket watch and squinted at it. “Dude, your watch is broken. It’s stuck at twelve.”

Misha grinned even wider. Jared snorted.

Jensen shook his head in confusion.

Misha threw his arms wide, barely missing Jensen’s face. “And here comes the Mishrabbit! Right on time, as usual, bless his furry tail.” Misha clambered out of Jensen’s lap, falling to the ground. He leapt to his feet, dusting himself off.

Misha, that is, the rabbit Misha, strode quickly past their table. Misha, that is, the one with the top hat, looped an arm around the Mishrabbit’s waist and escorted him back.

Misha with the top hat sat them both down, next to Jensen.

Misha with the ears squirmed in his grasp. “Now, Mad Carpenter, you mustn’t! The Queen will be very angry if I’m late. I must mish along or I’ll be late!”

The one with the top hat pulled the one with the ears into his lap. “Come now, good sir. This gentleman,” and here he nods at Jensen, “has been looking for you. Surely you can spare him some time.”

The Mishrabbit pushed at the Mad Carpenter’s arm. “You know what the Queen is like. There is no time. I must mish.”

The Mad Carpenter rested his chin on the Mishrabbit’s shoulder. “Oh, I love it when you mish.” He glanced down. “And what is that bulge in your pocket, sir?” He reached into the Mishrabbit’s waistcoat pocket and pulled out Jensen’s phone.

Jensen stood up so fast his chair scraped harshly against the ground. “That’s my phone!” Jared frowned at him disapprovingly and Osric snorted awake.

Both Mishas looked up at him.

The Mad Carpenter shoved the phone into his mouth and bit off a large chunk.

Jensen cringed at the noise of breaking technology.

The Mad Carpenter chewed with his mouth open. “Overly processed. But still tasty.” He took another bite. “Interesting flavour combinations.”

Jensen gaped as the Mad Carpenter swallowed the last pieces. “Dude, did you just eat my _phone_?”

Jared’s antlers thunked against the table as he cackled.

Osric rubbed his eyes. “Oh hey, is that the Mishrabbit? Holy Kale Gloves. Good call, man. The -3 luck is really good.” He yawned.

Jensen wanted to break something. “You _ate my phone_?!”

The Mishrabbit ripped himself from the Mad Carpenter’s grip. “You insolent wretch! How will I tell time now?” And with that, he ran away.

“That’s it. I’m going home.” Jensen turned and stalked from the table. He managed to stop himself from walking into the Mad Carpenter.

Misha grinned at him and twitched an eyebrow. “You’re going the wrong way, sir.” He raised his hand. “If you want to go home, you’ll have to go that way.” And before Jensen could stop him, Misha pressed two fingers to his forehead.

“Fucking angel powers.” Jensen grunted. He was surrounded by trees again, standing on the forest road. The crowns of the trees stretched overhead, filtering out sunlight. Jensen picked a direction and walked.

Behind him, leaves rustled and a wind blew past. Jensen looked back, but there was nothing. He kept walking.

The wind blew again, and a deep rumbling chuckle echoed against the trees. Jensen felt the hairs on his arms stand.

“After you left, I was so distracted that my laundry took twice the amount of time to hang.”

Jensen clenched his jaw and kept walking. He ignored the long tail in his periphery.

“But in the end I got it done.” The tail curved into a question mark. “Why do you walk so quickly, comrade?”

Jensen walked faster. “I’m going home.”

A pair of ears swiveled towards him. “Obviously. Otherwise you wouldn’t be on this road.”

Jensen frowned. “What do you mean.”

The ears were replaced by a set of sharp teeth. “You are on this road because you want to go home.”

Jensen kept frowning. “Are you saying if I keep walking I’ll get home?”

The teeth vanished with a chuckle.

Jensen kept walking.

Misha appeared fully, hanging upside down in the air in front of him. “I’ll miss you, I think.”

Jensen kept his face severe. “You think.”

Misha hummed. “Yes. No one rubs my ears quite like you. A most delicious feeling, I assure you.”

Jensen quirked his mouth.

Misha appeared right side up beside Jensen and linked their arms together. “You smell of the Mad Carpenter, comrade. He must’ve taken a liking to you to send you this way so quickly. That’s good. The Queen doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

Jensen managed to keep walking as Misha rubbed his face into his shoulder. “Uh. Sounds strict.”

Misha purred. “Oh yes. Very. The Queen is a stickler for rules, yes. Must take off shoes, must allow for searches,” and here he nearly stabbed Jensen in the eye with an ear as he moved his head, “must unbuckle belts.”

Jensen stumbled. “Wait, what?” Misha’s rumbling purr was quite distracting. “Say that again.”

Misha flung his arms around Jensen’s shoulders. “Oh, you are very good for cuddling, comrade.” He shoved his head under Jensen’s chin. “Much better than the Matterpillar or the Chau Mouse.”

The whiskers made Jensen’s neck itch. He looked down and straight forward again. He couldn’t see Misha’s lower body. That explained the ease of walking. “Uh. Misha. Tell me more about the Queen? Wait, what’s with everyone and Matt? I mean, I know he’s a bit too into it sometimes but what.”

Misha blinked at him. “The Matterpillar really believes in the power of the hooker, comrade. He’s always interrupting my laundry. And the Chau Mouse, always sleeping. I do see the appeal of a good nap though. And that cheese suit is rather fetching.” He patted Jensen’s cheek.

Jensen raised his eyebrows. “Right.” He sighted something tall and bright green in the distance. “Is that what I think it is? Mish?”

Misha had disappeared.

Jensen blinked as two hedges loomed over his head. Misha’s tail dropped down in front of his face and he started.

Misha hummed from the top of a hedge. “You might want to be quicker, comrade. There’s a schedule to keep.”

Jensen tugged at the tail. “You want me to go through a hedge maze?”

Misha rolled onto his back. “Good point. You don’t want to be late.” And with that, he pressed two fingers to Jensen’s forehead.

And Jensen found himself at the front of a lineup of various animals.

“Sir, right this way please.”

Jensen gaped.

Misha gestured at him. “Place your feet on the yellow footprints.”

Jensen looked down and found his feet over a pair of yellow footprints. He looked around at his surroundings. “Is this YVR?”

Misha showed him his hands, covered with blue medical gloves. “I’m going to let you know where I’m going to touch you before I touch you, and I’ll use the back of my hands for all sensitive areas.”

Jensen couldn’t move his feet. “Why are we reenacting TSA America? You know Canada doesn’t have TSA, right? Misha?”

Misha rolled his eyes and huffed. “If you must, address me as the Queen of Transportation Security.”

Jensen raised his eyebrows. “So. TSA America.”

Misha patted his shoulders with celestial intent. “This is a private pat down.”

Jensen raised his eyebrows even more and gestured at Felicia. “Uh huh. I didn’t know private pat downs involved an audience. And the lineup behind me-” There was no lineup. Jensen shook his head.

Felicia waggled her fingers as Misha looked at her. “Oh! Don’t mind me. I’ll just stand here quietly. Observing.” Her grin seemed a tad manic.

Misha patted down Jensen’s arms. “The King is not part of the procedure. Tell me, what do you think of my citizens?”

Jensen felt Misha’s hands slide down his back. “Uh.” He watched Misha kneel and pat down his legs. “They’re really.” Misha stood and placed his hands on the seat of Jensen’s pants. “Enthusiastic?”

Jensen had trouble focusing on the conversation.

Misha hummed as he checked Jensen’s back pockets. “I suppose they are.” He guided his hands down Jensen’s sides and down his chest.

Jensen swallowed as Misha unbuckled his belt.

Misha gazed into his eyes. “I’m going to put two fingers in your waistband. I’ll move real slow.”

Jensen opened and closed his mouth. “Okay.” He could count Misha’s eyelashes.

Misha placed two fingers of each hand inside Jensen’s waistband and slowly brought them towards each other.

Jensen licked his lips. He held Misha’s gaze.

Misha gave Jensen’s belt a tug before stepping back. “Guards!”

Clif wrenched Jensen’s arms behind his back. Jensen struggled but could not break the hold. “What?!”

Misha took off his gloves and threw them behind him. “You have been found in contempt of Transportation Security. Punishment is death.”

Jensen jerked his body. “In contempt?! I need to go home!”

Misha stood at parade rest in his TSA uniform. “Your crime, being a six foot Texan. Executioner!”

Erica grinned brightly and waved at Jensen.

Jensen struggled uselessly. “Seriously?! Erica, you don’t have to do this. I know Hannah’s an angel and all, but come on!”

Erica smiled. “Sorry, I have my orders.” An angel blade slid out of her sleeve.

Heart hammering, Jensen looked at Misha. “Misha, you can’t do this. I know we pranked you way too many times and that pie prank was really mean but you can’t do this! Think of the fans!”

Misha shook his head. “The decision stands. Executioner, if you please.”

Erica raised the angel blade into the air.

Misha winked at Jensen, and the blade came down.

And Jensen woke up on his couch with a raging boner.

 

_Epilogue_

 

Jared raised his eyebrows as Jensen entered the makeup trailer. “Dude, you look beat.”

Jensen collapsed into his chair and let out a gusty sigh. “You have no idea, man. I had the craziest dream.”

**Author's Note:**

> This came from wanting to see more Cockles fics, and from suddenly imagining Misha as the White Rabbit. And then these thoughts morphed into wanting to write the most insane Cockles fic ever. I'm not sure if I succeeded, but hopefully I was close. And yes, this is Cockles, even if Jensen seemed to be in denial.


End file.
